God- what a c**t

I didn’t really mean that if you’re reading this. I’m not sure that’d he’d even have time to read this, unless the well known conspiracy theory rings true that, in actuality, I am God. In any case, I’m sure God wouldn’t mind being called a vagina; after all he did create them (THANK YOU).

Whilst we’re still on the subject of vaginas, I slept with a cat on Friday. I’m sure that God would approve of this; it was a match made in heaven. Please note that the ‘cat’ in question was quite literally a female feline- in any case, I’m not nearly cool enough to refer to the opposite sex via colloquialism. I’m proud to announce I didn’t revert into my former bestiality habits, as this could also potentially cause me to be classified as paedophilic (the cat in question was less than half a year old).

God’s existence is a subject of much debate. Some might argue his existence, whereas some may simply gesture in my general direction. But of course, that general direction is everywhere, because by definition he is everywhere and everything (I think). Other than the devil, because that would be antichrist. Not really, but I like using the word antichrist. I’m of the opinion that this world is too bizarre and wonderful to have been created by pure numerical chance, but at the same time, it’s too fucked up for there to actually be some greater being overseeing us. I think whoever he/she is/was they left this world a long time ago.

But if you happen to be here, I quite like you. In fact I’d say my affection for you is bordering on love. If you’re reading this, please cut me a break!

So, results for Posh-School-That-Costs-An-Unearthly-Amount-Of-Money-Number-One are in. I got in, which is more of a relief than anything else. It’s more of a back up than anything else. I have no idea why, but I felt a sudden urge to make a Naruto reference. Unfortunately, I’ve only watched half an episode, so this makes it pretty hard to form any intellectual comment on the intricacies of Naruto.

But anyway, this is where you come in. All it takes is for you, yes, you to donate 50p, yes- 50p is all I’m asking. If 60,000 of you donate that amount, then I’ll be able to go to Posh School A. Not that I have any great desire to do go to said school, but please email the money to tonnan16@yahoo.com. I may be forgetting that my fan base actually consists of approximately two people, one of whom may possibly be related to me, and I may be overlooking the fact that it’s impossible to email money, but that’s beside the point.

I had lots more to say, but my mind operates in such a way that the harder I try to remember, the more I forget. I think there’s a word for that, and I sincerely hope that the word I am thinking of doesn’t start with the letter ‘A’.

 I’ve been doing a lot of creative writing lately and I may make these available to the general public sometime in the near future, but mostly its disjointed crap that acts as a temporary therapy for me.

Mystery Jets/Kid Harpoon/the Kooks tomorrow!! Until next time, my friends…